Ace got put back on the c-pap machine. The things they do at the NICU all seem to make sense when they explain it, but when I get home, I'm all, "huh?"
apnea: forgetting to breathe
desat: oxygen levels dropping, or oxygen desaturation)
So they put the kid on caffeine, which keeps him stimulated enough that he has fewer apneas. He doesn't sleep very well. Even when I'm visiting him without touching him or talking to him, he sleeps for a few minutes, then wakes up, looks around, and just looks exhausted. So whenever he gets to sleep, he sleeps like he doesn't sleep much, and has apneas and has to be woken up. It seems to me that the caffeine would be... a bad thing?
Does what I just typed make sense? It's just that some of the things the neonatologist and nurse practitioner decide for his care seem counter-productive, like with the oxygen cannula/boogers/desat thing described a few days ago. I'm sure they have the best treatment for my son in mind, but they just don't make that much sense to me. Like holding him... It's encouraged, but he can only be held for about half an hour before he starts to desat, inevitably followed by apneas. So is holding him good or bad? Sheesh.
And will someone tell me how much a baby sleeps? It's been a while since I've been around a newborn in the form of my angelic goddaughters, but I seem to remember them sleeping for more than a few minutes at a time. I'd like to see my son sleeping soundly. It's NOT happening, no matter how much the nurses insist it is. They're not staring at him for 30 minutes at a time.
Plus I just hate the cpap machine. It ticks him off, makes his nose bleed, and dries his lips out something fierce. He also has to sleep on his back to wear it, which he hates. I started crying when I saw him on it today, and I couldn't bring myself to visit him again tonight like I usually do. It breaks my heart to see him struggling, and makes me feel like a failure all over again for not being able to carry him.
Today's also the estimated due date of my ectopic baby - I'd have a one year old right now. I miss you, angel.
I ate a Snickers bar today. It was good. King sized, too.
1 week ago