Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Stop me if you've heard this one

First, read this joke - one of the funniest I’ve heard in a long time.

Second, read this “obituary.” Pretty funny way of saying “it’s hot,” I reckon. Cavewoman, why no comments allowed?

Listen. I am NOT fishing for compliments here. I know I’m going to be a good mom, because I am going to try my level best, and I believe that’s all it takes. That being said…

I vacillate frequently between sheer excitement at the prospect of being a mom, and sheer terror. I know; many moms go through this. Drew and I are, without a doubt, ready to have children. Financially stable, happy in our marriage, bla bla bla. But yes, I do experience moments of wondering how in the world I’m going to do this.

Raising a child is absolutely the most important thing a person could ever do. It’s a PERSON, for heaven’s sake. I’m not raising a dog here. I’m growing a person inside me, one whose life and decisions will reflect the lessons Drew and I teach him. Whether he is an axe murderer as an adult or a responsible member of society, that will reflect on Drew and me. Think about that. Terrifying, no?

I get so excited at times. Mom bought us some onesies yesterday, and the thought of those teeny tiny little outfits on my teeny tiny little boy was just too exciting for words. And then the questions creep up. Like, how do I raise a child in Mississippi private schools AND teach him the importance and value of diversity? (Don’t say “home school.” I’m not going there.) How do I raise a child with a healthy view of sex, while instilling the importance of waiting for marriage? Shoot, how do I raise a child and maintain the level of happiness I enjoy in my marriage? These, and many other questions, are a daily part of my mindset.

I reckon I’ll make mistakes. My childhood was riddled with all manner of dysfunction, but something my parents did (or didn’t do) caused me to turn out to be the person I am today. (No comments from the peanut gallery. I’m pretty flippin’ sweet.) Hopefully, even if I do make a mistake or two, they won’t be critical enough to swing the boy down Axe Murderer Lane.

Thank heavens my therapist is a mother.


javafoofoo said...

First: ROTFL my azz off!! That joke was positively great!

Second: Sweetie, all you can do is raise your baby boy the best you can and hope for the best.

Melinda Barton said...

You can put him in a borg maturation chamber and pull him out when he's done! Of course, he may then try to assimilate the family dog. Setting up a mini-collective with cortical nodes for all immediate family drones... ahem ... members would eliminate the need for all those messy, embarassing "talks" and allow you to track your subunit without any undue effort on your part. If he turns out to be inefficient, you can simply reprogram his cortical processor for greater efficiency. And let's not forget, you can give him a vacuum cleaner attachment implant so that the house is always clean! The big downside: you have to name him third of three or Spiehler of Borg.

Christine said...

Don't worry - you are so stinkin' normal.

Work on you ... all the time. The better you are ... the better your kids are.

Really simple, yet really complex.