Blahhh

Warning: The body of this post is kinda sad. I don't do a lot of sad posts, because I'm not really a sad person, and I sure don't like sharing my sad side with the blogosphere. So don't get used to it.

Tonight I went to a prayer group for women who have lost their unborn children or who have had trouble conceiving. The first thing I saw when I went in there was a woman who was obviously very pregnant. I found out later that she is 17 weeks pregnant with triplets. Another woman in the room was also 17 weeks pregnant, with one baby. They were having their fun baby talk, about cribs and clothes and beds and bottles and the other lady, who I gathered had a 6 year old son, was also gabbing along, giving advice to the two pregnant women on where to buy things and what to do when. I was looking around thinking, "Am I in the right room?" I wanted very, very much to leave. For some reason, I just couldn't handle the baby talk. I wanted to excuse myself to the restroom, pick up my purse, and go home and be with Drew. After a while, more women came in and the group turned into a normal support group. Very, very supportive.

As many of you know, I had an ectopic pregnancy in October of last year. I think I went directly into denial mode the next day and I'm not sure that I've come out of it since. (Don't worry, I'm in therapy. And it's working.) My experience wasn't an especially traumatic one, as has been the case with many women I've met who have been in similar situations. I only had to have a shot - many women I've met nearly lost their lives, often due to a complete ignorance of the danger of ectopic pregnancies.

I don't know why I'm saying this, but I want you all to know that I think about my baby every single day. Sometimes I cry, mostly I don't. I would give anything in the world - anything - to go back in time and have things go differently. I would have been due next month. I'm supposed to be almost 8 months pregnant right now. I want to sleep through Mother's Day. But I won't.

Thank you, precious Lord, that I will be in New York City with my husband, my mother, my aunt, my two cousins, and 8 million of our closest friends on Mother's Day.

Readers, if you have a friend or a female relative you know has lost a baby or one that has been unsuccessful at conceiving, call them on Mother's Day. (No, I don't mean me. This isn't a cry for attention, I swear. Just a call for awareness.) Don't wish them a Happy Mother's Day or anything, just call and let them know you love them, however you can. They probably need it. This should be their day too. They just don't have anything to show for it.

If they're not sleeping the day away. If they are, let them. Trust me, it's for the best.